Almost 40 Year Old Virgin

I know you all wanted to hear about my exploits with the masseuse, and we did have a little fun with the massage oil, but I don't want to blog about that right now.

Instead I want to tell you about a trip I just got back from. I flew to Georgia to meet a man I've known for years.

I met this man through the internet study program at the community college a few years ago. This program lets you have study buddies from people all over the country. My study buddy happened to be a man named Shane from Georgia. We were both taking business classes of one form or another.

Shane and I hit it off instantly, through the internet connection, though the school was real strict about 'chatting'. We were to only talk about our classroom subjects, the study buddy program wasn't met for people to 'hook up' or anything so we were monitored with a keystroke program.

Also, in the rules of the study buddy program we were not to exchange information. We knew names and location, but we could not exchange pictures, addresses physical or email.

We had to come up with a creative way to exchange information. We began working on a business website. We put the website up on a server that each of us could access. We figured out ways to place information within the code of the website in such a way that it wouldn't trigger the attention of those that monitored us.

We were able to exchange names and emails and soon we began chatting at home as well as in school. Our chats became more personal rather than business oriented.

Just to clarify this isn't a story of people who fall in love over a computer monitor and wait for eons to meet for the first time which just happens to be two weeks before they decide to walk down the aisle. Those of you who read my blog, know that just wouldn't be my style.

Instead this blog is a story of a woman who meets a man in need of something and she goes and helps him out.

We shared many things and soon, Shane and I exchanged photos, he was a bit more apprehensive about it than me. When Shane saw my picture for the first time he gushed. He told me how beautiful I was over and over again.

Quite frankly it made me a bit embarrassed.

I got to see Shane's picture. He was a big man, though about my height or a little shorter. He wasn't an ugly man by any means. Even though he wasn't a Tom Cruise sort, he was a very attractive man.

I told him he should be fighting off the women with a stick.

Shane understood that I wasn't the sort to just fall in love over a computer monitor and due to the economy and everything we both had money troubles which would prevent us from meeting.

We agreed to be Internet friends. Shane is my confidant. Whenever I have a new romantic interest I run and tell him. If my heart gets broke (it does happen from time to time) I 'virtually' cry on his shoulder.

I think he lives vicariously through my stories, sometimes.

About a month ago we were having a conversation on the computer. It was about sex. I was mentioning how young I was when I lost my virginity and I was mentioning some bad sexual experiences along the way.

I talked about a man who kept biting my nipples even though I'd told him over and over again that my nipples were sensitive. I think the dude had been a sadist, but had forgotten to mention it to me.

Sorry, I'm not into pain, if I was to get into a relationship such as that, I'd be the one inflicting pain.

I asked Shane if he was a biter and if he'd keep biting a woman if she told him he was sensitive. He told me that he'd do whatever she wanted, but he really didn't know what he'd do because he'd never had sex.

I honestly thought I'd read the screen wrong. He said that it wasn't a typo.

I told him I was calling him.

“Hello, Dana.”

“You've never had sex?”

“Nope”

“You're almost 40.”

“Yeah, I'm like the 40 year old virgin with a lot less hair.”

“That's not funny.”

“I thought it was.”

“How have you not had sex?”

“Easy I just haven't.”

“No, girlfriends or boyfriends along the way or what?”

“Hold on, I'm not gay I know that much. You can leave the boyfriends out of the mix, but no I have not had a girlfriend, ever.”

“How do you do that?”

“I'm socially inept. You know that. I'm awkward and I don't trust people.”

“Well, you don't gotta trust people to have them fuck your brains out.”

“People have screwed me over before.”

“I've been screwed five ways to Sunday, but at least I've really been screwed.”

“Yeah, you've been screwed a lot.”

“Don't go there Shane!”

“Okay, sorry.”

“What are you afraid of? There are people these days that are total strangers and they fuck. You could pick up a woman at the bar (any woman) and take her home and fuck her.”

“I couldn't pick up a total stranger.”

“Am I a total stranger?”

“No.”

“Could you fuck me?”

“Don't joke.”

“I'm being serious. If I was there could you fuck me if I started it?”

“I guess.”

“Promise me something.”

“What?”

“Promise me you won't fall in love with me.”

“I can't.”

“Yes, you can. Just say, Dana I promise I won't fall in love with you.”

“Okay. Dana, I promise I won't fall in love with you.”

“Good. Now I'm on the computer checking out priceline. I can get a round trip plane ticket for $500. I got at least $300 saved up. I was going to use it to go to a family reunion with a distant family members I couldn't give two shits about. If you can cover the other $200 for me then I can fly down there and de-virginize you.”

“What?”

“You heard me.”

“Why?”

“Okay, I've got a soft spot for the lonely hearts club. I've been with a lot of men who started out in the lonely hearts club. Either they were super shy, or they just were lucking out with women for the longest time. When I guy gives me that story of how it's been years since he's been with a woman I get all wet between my legs. I'm fucked up I know. The only problem with the lonely hearts club is that they fall for me hard and fast. I'm not ready to be anyones wife and if they lay the commitment down too hard and start controlling my ass I'm gone. If you can keep from falling for me, then I can help you.”

“I don't know about this.”

“Do you like being a virgin?”

“No”

“Do you want to not be a virgin anymore?”

“Yes”

“Then let me teach you, please.”

“Okay. I guess.”

We exchanged bank information and he wired the $200 to my bank. We waited about a month for summer vacation from school and also vacation time with work.

Shane met me at the airport. He looked pretty much as I'd expected, but it's always a bit weird to see a person in the flesh. Shane was all nervous when he saw me in the flesh.

I'd known him so long I almost could figure out what he was thinking. He was nervous about meeting me, but at the same time he was excited about everyone in the airport seeing him pick up a beautiful woman (just to clarify, I don't find myself that beautiful, but I'm going by what Shane thinks and he says I'm beautiful).

I decided to give Shane another thrill. I ran up to him as if I was running up to my lover. I wrapped my arms around his neck, for a moment he just stood there stunned, but the he grabbed my waist.

“Ah, honey. It's so good to see you.” I said real loud.

I put my fingers through his hair then I pulled him to my face and kissed him. I pressed my lips to his and went diving for his tongue. I found his tongue and sucked it out of his mouth. To end the kiss I softly bit his lip.

<---To be continued--->